the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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