Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
