i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
honey bunches of taint.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
