I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
