She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
