Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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