I think I won the penis lottery.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
