neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
