Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
