dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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