a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The power of my boobs compel you
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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