just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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