there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
