Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
