And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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