I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Randomize
