Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
