She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
