I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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