I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
