Kiss
Puke
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Welp...herpes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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