Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
