I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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