if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
