A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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