So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
