think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
