Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have feelings that need drinking.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
