It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
