Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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