How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
