And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
