Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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