Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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