So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
