i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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