i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
