Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
