Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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