I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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