Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
