Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
