Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
