my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
