pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize