Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
