do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude. I can hear the air.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
