My first STD was from a foam party
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
