I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
