got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
