I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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