Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
