hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
