Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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