i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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