Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my shit smells like andre
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
