hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
