I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
