Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
