I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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