I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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