worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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