After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
