So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize