So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
