Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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