So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will pee on everything he values.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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