I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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