How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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