Got a toothbrush?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
