Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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