so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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