It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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