after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
