Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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