his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
