Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
