it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
